Tomorrow, I work my first ever Artist’s Alley! I’ve been reflecting a lot on my past works and how much I’ve developed as an artist.
No longer are doodle pages the majority of what I do. They are still a huge chunk of my time, and incredibly important (I cannot think of a way to truly express just how important they still are!). And yet, now I am finding myself drawing pages of sketches where I am specifically experimenting with skills I want to improve upon.
It’s like the doodles get my ideas or spirit out onto paper while practicing with the skills I have. The sketches where I am practicing a skill specifically use content that comes so naturally to me. I’m glad I spent so much time drawing purely from the heart as I have, otherwise fixing my attention onto skill-building would seem too daunting.
Check out the above pictures of some sketchbook pages I’ve shared on Twitter recently. I’m trying to improve the faces I draw, the perspective of important objects, and still life realism (respectively) in these pages. While they aren’t perfectly executed, I’m proud. Those are skills I’ve never felt confident in, but have always wanted to improve.
But in terms of my themes and the content of my works – they are still creepy, weird, and emotional. I’m still drawing lots of personal explorations, along with my monsters and more fantastical or abstract representations; I don’t fathom those will ever go away (or can).
The main thing I hope to achieve at the Artist’s Alley tomorrow is hopefully realistic enough: to have more people see what I do. Secretly, I hope that out of those people, I will have a chance to interact with the one who looks at my works and sees their own weirdness.
Excuse me for the messiness of this pencil doodle and the difference in quality. I do not have a scanner where I am right now. It’s all part of what I am trying to portray, although it doesn’t quite seem professional. This was drawn in an emotional state and I wished to capture that.
Because of my general affect, it’s hard to see strong emotions from me. I naturally have a resting stone face and what looks like an easygoing demeanor. But inside I feel and think way too much. That’s why movies, books and songs can make me cry really easily. That’s also why some people question my ability to understand, or my intelligence. Believe me, I understand what’s going on. I am merely unable to react until it becomes an explosion.
When I draw or doodle, I am desperately trying to show the things that I find difficult to emote. Here I am trying to show the effect even one hypercritical sentence can have on me.
To everyone who has trouble showing how they feel to others, I truly feel for you and send you all of the love that is kept from you as a result of how others misunderstand you. I understand you and I care about you.
My art is a victim of my tendency to rush. This artwork is an example of that. I am very happy with the composition and content, but I can see where taking my time would have made the gradient, lines, and shapes more of what I wanted them to be.
But honestly, I love this piece even with its imperfections. It was such an accomplishment once it felt finished. It’s a hopeful, loving, peaceful depiction of the universe. Between you and me, reader, I’m not the best at depicting the world as…positive. I see things I love about it, but I’m too nihilistic in general. This artwork reflects what good I do see.
I chose grayscale because I only wanted to use one coloured pencil and thought black–since it is sometimes explained as absorbing all colours*–was a good choice. I hope you think so too!
*I did my reading! Check out this link I found handy when I looked up, without shame, “is it true black absorbs all colours” 😉