Accidental Narrative

darklight dudes

This fun drawing is a snapshot of what I imagine is a lighthearted ghost story. Although I do like to write as a hobby, I did not come up with any conscious narrative. I actually started this drawing by choosing to use pencil for the theme of “light and dark.”

When I felt like I had nothing more to offer the picture, I took a long look at the image and realised that this was more of an illustration. Maybe I’ll be drawing these two ghosts, or something like them, again at some point.

Auditory

I drew this a few weeks ago, based on the idea that music lives in our every cell.

vase voice orange purp

It’s a little cliche, sure. But much of art is based on things we’ve seen over and over again.

One of my favourite artists ever is Vasily Kandinsky, who drew music effortlessly (based on his synesthesia) and I would have him no other way. I adore the obvious movement his music-based works have; the clear emotion of his experience.

Just like any other artist, I tend to draw what’s close to home. So while I did think of Kandinsky, these colours and lines are all mine; a representation of my musical “home.”

 

Depression Draws

Suffice it to say this post is about some of my struggles with mental health. If you’re not in the mood for that, enjoy the pretty pencil drawing of a giant bird behind a tree and a sinister apple. Skip my ramblings below and laugh at the tree blocking most of the bird’s body, or enjoy the lines of the apple’s “shadow” instead – I won’t fault you. Not that I’ll know, anyway!

shadow apple-abnormal bird

I have depression and anxiety. Anxiety is the part of me that is constantly deluded and fighting everything around me. Depression is the part that sticks me right into the ground and boxes me inside thick walls. However, sometimes my anxiety freezes me and my depression makes me commit desperate, irrational acts. After all of these years I am able to understand and identify the subtleties of it all; it’s actually quite complicated and based on past events as well as my own body chemistry.

My mental health does not drive all of my art. None of my art is drawn in the worst depressive or anxious phases. Those are times when making art feels so impossible, even though I may want to. So I draw a lot when I am feeling “well” and scan them to post here.

Being in a bad mental place, or in the downswing of the cycle, isn’t the only time depression and anxiety show themselves. Constantly dealing with those mind states simply forces my hand; being yet another place of inspiration. Many of my drawings include ideas related to paranoia and irrationality as a result, even the bird and apples above.

When we look at the history of art, we see almost a glorification of artists who are stifled with poor mental health. Such troubled people created such beautiful work, right? I think that this is a result of academics who do not understand psychiatric struggles writing about that which they do not know with unnecessary wistfulness.

I’m not thankful for the negativity my mental health brings to myself and others around me, but I recognise how much it influences me. But so what if my depression and anxiety give me stuff to work with? The toll is often extremely high. I’d rather not make them the center of my universe.

Informal Training

I have only a little formal training, in the form of visual arts classes taken while studying for undergrad. I pursued a degree in art history that included drawing and ceramics classes.

lezar

Studying art history was one of the most intellectually thrilling times of my life, not because of the rote memorization (which is required, in any case so I had to deal with it – and I did) but because of the deep understanding of humanity that comes from analysing the creative process and the final product.

I think I always wanted to create, but never really knew how to do so.The drawing and ceramics classes instilled in me a great understanding of what it means to think like an artist – and that’s really when I knew that I was not a historian, but a creator. I knew I’d find a way to find my footing and create, someday.

So welcome to someday, little lizard!

 

 

Scare

I love horror. Gory, funny, dark, demented, all of it really.

Behold Scare:

 

farm life

This drawing is meant to have undertones of the mystery and paranoia that come wrapped up in the “occult” or “horror” themes. The sinister feeling in your body, the uncertainty of knowing and not knowing, etc. all inspire me often when I doodle or draw.

The eye I doodle constantly makes an appearance as a major character this time. The floating eye and mixed messages coming from it hang authoritatively over the structure below; all existing in a cold white space. I used the structure and environment of a farm because it was a wholesome setting where our sustenance grows.

To me, no place is safe. I have to deal with that reality. Basically, I wanted to show somewhere vulnerable.

 

Divided Doodle Relief

divided doodle

This unplanned doodle started with a big X in the middle of the page.

When I like the outcome of a drawing exercise, it’s special for me. It gives me hope that the determination to get something done can produce something to be proud of. That is something I’m happy to depend on. Relying on “Eureka!” bursts of genius leaves you hungry the majority of the time, believe me.